It’s always hard to say goodbye. Saying goodbye means saying hello to a life without the person you loved. It means saying hello to a new and different life, one that won’t include your partner. It can be hard enough when it’s just an ordinary relationship, but when you have been with someone for many years? There are so many things to mourn when a long relationship ends. The good news is, there are 6 pieces of advice that will make getting over a breakup after a long relationship a bit easier.
1. Get The Help You Need
Leaving a long-term partner is never easy. It’s not even unusual for people to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms – during the time leading to the breakup as well as after it. If you find that you can’t stop yourself from obsessing over your ex, if you’re having trouble sleeping or eating, it’s important to get help. These are all signs that you’re not dealing with the breakup in a healthy way. If you find yourself drinking the pain away, you might want to get help for alcoholism – even if you don’t think it’s that bad, it can still get out of hand quickly. There’s no shame in needing some extra help – especially not during a time like this, so make sure to reach out if you’re struggling.
2. Allow Yourself Time To Process
A breakup is a huge change in your life and it’s going to take some time to adjust. Don’t expect to be able to just move on right away – it doesn’t work like that. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship, even if it wasn’t a happy one towards the end. It’s still a loss, and it’s still going to hurt. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, and take the time you need to heal. In a similar sense, don’t feel bad if you find yourself missing your ex if they were toxic or abusive. You are not weak for wanting the comfort of someone who was familiar, even if they were bad for you. It’s okay to miss them, but don’t dwell on it – focus on the fact that you’re better off without them in your life.
3. Don’t Idolize The Good Times
When you’re trying to get over a long-term relationship, it’s easy to only remember the good times. It’s natural to want to cling to those happy memories, but it’s important not to dwell on them too much. Yes, it’s okay to reminisce, but don’t forget that there was a reason the relationship ended as well. It’s not healthy to only remember the happy moments and try to ignore the bad ones. Doing so will only make it harder for you to move on. So, don’t forget that there were also bad times – and that the good ones might not have been as perfect as you’re remembering them now. This may be especially hard to do if you were blindsided by the breakup, but try to be honest with yourself about the relationship as a whole.
4. Spend More Time With Friends
One of the best things you can do after a long-term relationship ends is to spend more time with your friends and family. These are the people who have been there for you through thick and thin, and they will be more than happy to help you get through this tough time. Lean on them for support, and take advantage of the fact that you now have more free time. You might even want to consider joining a club or taking up a new hobby – anything that will help you meet new people and make friends. Doing things with other people will help you take your mind off of the breakup and make you feel better.
5. Reduce Contact With Your Ex
When you were with someone for a long time, chances are they were your go-to person for everything. Whether that’s a funny meme you want to share with someone, a good morning text, or someone to vent to about problems at work, your ex was probably the first person you thought of. Now that the relationship is over, it’s important to break that habit. They are no longer a part of your life, at least not in that way, and you need to start treating them as such. Even if you plan on staying friends post-breakup, it’s important for both of you to take a few months where there’s no contact with each other in order to ensure that you’re not relying on them too much.
6. Try New Things
It’s easy to say “put yourself out there” after a breakup – and you’ve probably heard the phrase from friends and family before, but doing so can be much harder than it seems. A better way of framing that might be – try new things you’ve always wanted to experience but never got the chance to. This can mean anything from going on vacation by yourself to taking up a new hobby. Breaking out of your comfort zone will help you realize that there’s more to life than your ex. It’ll also remind you of how capable and independent you are, which can be a huge confidence booster. Not to mention, trying new things is just plain fun!
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for getting over a long-term relationship, but these six pieces of advice can help you through the process. Remember that it takes time to heal, and there’s no shame in seeking professional help if you feel like you’re struggling. Most importantly, be patient with yourself – the pain won’t last forever.