Have you been suddenly cut off by someone with borderline personality disorder? One day, you’re the love of their life, the next, you’re the devil incarnate. Their love for you vanishes as quickly as it came, leaving you stunned and devastated. You’re left wondering what you did to deserve such cruel treatment after all the love and support you gave.
The truth is, in 90%, you likely did nothing wrong. This is what’s known as “splitting” – when a borderline shift from idealizing you to devaluing you, seeing you as all good or all bad. Borderlines struggle with object constancy, so you’re only as good as the last emotional high you gave them.
The “Black Paint” In BPD Relationships
When a borderline personality splits you black, it means they’ve painted you as “all bad” in their mind. Everything good in the relationship is forgotten, and you become the enemy.
Understanding this behavior is key to surviving the discard. Borderlines have an unstable sense of self and others, seeing people as either all good or all bad. The “splitting” is a defense mechanism to protect their fragile self-image. When they start viewing you as all bad, it allows them to push you away before you can “abandon” or hurt them.
The split happens suddenly and without warning. One day, you’re the greatest person on earth, the next, you’re the worst, the “evil”, the enemy. The borderline will rewrite your history together, exaggerating any perceived slights or imperfections to justify their negative view of you. Don’t argue or try to reason with them. Their view has become distorted, and you can’t logic them out of an emotional state.
The pain of splitting and discard can be excruciating. But know this says everything about the borderline’s disorder and nothing about your worth or value. You cannot control their behaviors or beliefs, only how you choose to respond. Focus on self-care, set boundaries, and don’t engage or plead for them to see you as “good” again. In time, the splitting will pass, but the damage to the relationship may remain permanent.
The healthiest thing you can do is accept what you cannot change, while also protecting yourself from further harm.
Coping When You’ve Been Split Black And Discarded
When the borderline in your life decides to split you black and discard you, it can feel utterly devastating. But there are some things you can do to cope during this difficult time:
Accept that the discard is not about you. The borderline’s tendency to see people as either all good or all bad is a reflection of their mental health condition, not your worth or value.
Connect with your support network. Call a friend or family member, contact a support group, or see a therapist. Talking to others who understand can help ease the pain and provide encouragement.
Practice self-care. Make sure to stay on a routine, eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and exercise. Do things that help you boost your mood and confidence.
Don’t dwell on the good times. While it’s normal to miss the borderline, try not to idealize the relationship. Remind yourself of the chaos, drama, and toxicity that came with it. Looking at the relationship realistically can help the longing fade.
Don’t react to hoovering. The borderline may come back around wanting to win you over again. Stand firm in your decision to end the relationship. Reacting or re-engaging will only restart the cycle of abuse.
With time and conscious effort, the hurt will become easier to bear. Though the scar may remain, you will heal and find happiness again. Stay strong in yourself – you deserve so much more than to be someone’s emotional punching bag. The best revenge is living well and finding inner peace.
Rebuilding Your Self-Worth After Narcissistic Abuse
After narcissistic abuse, it’s normal to feel worthless and question your own self-worth. The narcissist systematically tears you down to elevate themselves, leaving your confidence in tatters. However, you have the power to rebuild what they sought to destroy.
Focus on your strengths and accomplishments. Make a list of your positive traits, skills, and achievements to remind yourself of your inherent worth. Think of small wins and things you’re good at each day, no matter how insignificant they seem. Celebrate them.
Practice self-care. Exercise, eat healthy, engage in hobbies, and do things that boost your confidence and self-esteem. Take a class on something you’ve always wanted to learn. Challenge yourself in small ways and reward yourself for achieving goals.
Set boundaries. Learn to say no and don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t let people take advantage of your kindness. Be around those who love and support you. Their positivity can help balance out the narcissist’s toxicity.
Be your authentic self. Don’t change yourself just to make other people happy. The narcissist tried to mold you into their perfect victim to suit their needs. Now is the time to embrace who you really are – your quirks, flaws, and all.
It will take time, but rebuilding your self-worth after narcissistic abuse is possible. Be gentle with yourself, and remember – you never deserved the narcissist’s cruelty or manipulation. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not worthy. You are.
Final Words – It’s Not About You
Tycle of being split black by someone with borderline personality disorder is painful. The push-pull, the triangulation, the gaslighting – it can drive you mad. But now you know the signs, you see the pattern, and you understand it’s not about you. You did nothing wrong. Their behavior just shows what kind of person they are, not what kind of person you are.
The only way out is through. Surround yourself with your true supporters, limit contact as much as possible, and commit to your own self-care. The borderline may come back around, but you’ll be wary and watchful. You’ve been split black before, and you survived.