When my spiritual awakening began, it honestly felt like everything I knew was falling apart. At first, it wasn’t magical or peaceful…it was quite painful and uncomfortable.
I started losing friends. People I thought would be in my life forever suddenly felt distant. The energy didn’t match anymore. Conversations that used to feel fun now felt heavy and empty. Even food didn’t taste the same, and weekend drinks and long nights no longer felt like fun.
I remember feeling like I was walking through life naked, exposed for the very first time. Vulnerable, raw, and completely misunderstood. And in that moment, I swore: this awakening has ruined my life. But with time, I came to see the truth…it hadn’t ruined me at all. It had only ruined the old me…so that a new, truer version of myself could finally be born.
The Friendships That Slipped Away
One of the first things I noticed was how much my circle changed. People I’d known for years, people I laughed and traveled with, started to drift away. It wasn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it was simply me realizing that I no longer wanted to do the same things: drinking, partying, or filling my days with noise just to avoid silence. Other times, it was the quiet realization that the people I once admired or felt fascinated by (especially those posting beautiful, aesthetic Instagram stories) were not any more special than me.
I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to lose anyone. But as I leaned into my growth—journaling, meditating, thinking about the purpose of life, becoming more in tune with my emotions, and noticing things others overlooked—I saw things more clearly.
Some friends weren’t supportive. In fact, when I desperately needed mental support, no one was there for me. Some were draining. Some only loved the version of me who was asleep, distracted, and fun at the expense of my own peace.
And as painful as it was, I had to admit: I couldn’t carry them into the next chapter of my life.
The Loneliness Nobody Warns You About
When people talk about awakening, they often highlight the light and peace that comes later. But they don’t always mention the loneliness at the start.
My spiritual awakening began with a thought that appeared out of nowhere: I hate living like this—working from Monday to Friday just to have enough money to survive, traveling a few times a year, riding the same train, seeing the same faces. Some would call it “escaping the Matrix,” and in a sense, it felt like that. But deep down, I knew it was something deeper.
So yes, my spiritual awakening was spontaneous—no “TikTok guru” videos, no courses, no scriptures. It just happened. Out of nowhere. Just like that.
Over time, there were days I felt like a stranger in my own life. Nights where I cried because I didn’t recognize myself anymore, and because no one else seemed to understand what I was going through.
It really did feel like standing naked in the middle of a crowded street—completely exposed while everyone else walked past as if nothing was happening. That raw, vulnerable state is terrifying. But it’s also necessary.
Because in that space, you start questioning everything. You shed old beliefs, old habits, old versions of yourself. And it’s not pretty, but it’s powerful.
Why It All Had a Reason
Initially, I thought I was being punished. Like I’d done something wrong to end up so isolated. But the more I leaned in, the more I realized that nothing was random.
I couldn’t stay in the same spaces with the same energy and expect to grow. I couldn’t keep shrinking myself just to keep other people comfortable. My soul knew it, even before my mind caught up.
And strangely enough, I started to enjoy it. I found peace in walking through parks on Friday evenings instead of sitting at bars or stuffing myself with greasy food.
The friendships, the illusions, the “life I thought I wanted”—they had to go. Because they weren’t aligned with who I was becoming. The pain had a purpose: it was clearing space.
What I Found on the Other Side
Over time, things shifted. My world became quieter, yes, but also more real. The friends who stayed were the ones who loved me for who I truly was, not just who I used to be. The people I attracted later felt different—authentic, supportive, alive.
And beyond people, I found myself. I found a peace that doesn’t depend on noise or validation. A clarity that makes me feel at home in my own skin. A sense of purpose I never knew before.
So yes, in the beginning, my awakening ruined my life. It ruined the version of me that settled. It ruined the relationships that drained me. It ruined the illusion that I had it all figured out.
But in return, it gave me something better: truth, freedom, and authenticity. And, surprisingly, I became so in tune with myself, my emotions, my intuition, my purpose, that things I had always dreamed of began to naturally flow into my life. It wasn’t that I was consciously practicing the so-called Law of Attraction. It was simpler than that. Sometimes I would just close my eyes, feel grateful, and somehow, what I needed found its way to me.
Ruined, But Reborn
If you’re in the thick of it right now, losing friends, questioning everything, feeling lonely and raw, I want you to know this: you’re not broken. You’re evolving. You’re not being punished. You’re being remade. You’re overgrowing people. And I promise you, when you look back in a few months or years, you’ll see it all made sense.
Your awakening might feel like it’s ruining your life, but really, it’s only clearing away what you’ve outgrown. And one day, you’ll look back and realize it gave you the gift of becoming who you truly are.
So here’s to the ruin. To the friendships that ended, the illusions that shattered, and the old self that had to die. Because without all of that, the life you’re stepping into couldn’t exist.
And honestly? I wouldn’t trade this “ruined” life for anything.
