I remember it so clearly—this strange, nagging feeling that something was about to shift. It wasn’t something I could put into words at the time, but it was there, like a quiet whisper in the back of my mind. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, and even though I couldn’t see what was below, I knew I was about to jump. Little did I know, that jump would lead to what I now call my spiritual awakening. And yes, in many ways, it “ruined” my life—but in the most beautiful, necessary way possible.
When my eyes finally opened, it was like seeing the world in high definition for the first time. Colors were brighter, emotions were sharper, and suddenly, I could see people—*really* see them. And that’s when things got uncomfortable. I started noticing how certain friendships were draining me, how some people in my life were toxic, and how I had been tolerating behaviors and situations that no longer aligned with who I was becoming. It wasn’t that these people were inherently “bad,” but they weren’t good for me anymore. And so, one by one, they started to leave my life.
Some Things Have To Go Away
Losing friends is hard. Let’s just get that out of the way first. It’s lonely. It’s painful. It feels like a piece of you is being ripped away, even when you know deep down it’s for the best. But here’s the thing: when you spiritually awaken, you start to realize that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some people are only in your life for a season, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make the goodbye any easier, but it does make it necessary. I had to let go of what no longer served me to make space for what would. And honestly? It was one of the hardest but most liberating things I’ve ever done.
Let me give you an example. I had a best friend—someone I thought would be in my life forever. We traveled together, laughed together, and spent so much time together that people thought we were inseparable. But when I started to spiritually awaken, something shifted. I didn’t feel the urge to drink with him anymore or go on those wild trips. I didn’t want to waste hours doing things that felt empty, just for the sake of filling time. There was this voice in my head, quiet at first but growing louder, telling me, “You’re stuck. This isn’t you anymore. You’re not growing.”
At first, I ignored it. I didn’t want to lose him. But the more I worked on myself—meditating, journaling, just sitting with my thoughts—the more I realized I was outgrowing the life I had with him. When I started distancing myself to focus on my own growth, things got… weird. He became bitter. He’d make comments about how “boring” I’d become, how I wasn’t fun anymore just because I was choosing myself over late-night parties and meaningless distractions. Over time, I started to see him differently. The person I thought was my ride-or-die wasn’t who I thought he was. I realized how much I’d been used, how much I’d let myself be taken advantage of because I didn’t want to be alone.
And it wasn’t just him. As my perspective shifted, I started seeing other friends differently too. The people I thought were there for me? They weren’t. The ones I thought had it all together, living these golden lives everyone dreamed of? That wasn’t true either. My eyes opened, and suddenly, I could see the cracks in the facade. I saw the toxicity, the negativity, the energy vampires I’d been letting into my life. It was like I’d been wearing glasses that blurred everything, and suddenly, the prescription changed. Everything became crystal clear.
And you know what happened? My circle got smaller. A lot smaller. But here’s the thing: it also got real. The people who stayed were the ones who truly cared about me, who supported my growth, who loved me for who I was becoming, not just who I had been. The rest? They had to go. And while it hurt at the time, I don’t regret it. Not one bit.
If you’re going through a spiritual awakening and your circle is shrinking, I want you to know this: it’s not a bad thing. It’s not a sign that you’re doing something wrong or that you’re unlovable. It’s a sign that you’re growing. That you’re evolving. That you’re finally seeing people—and yourself—for who you truly are. And that’s a gift, even if it doesn’t always feel like one.
Loneliness
And then there’s the loneliness. Oh, the loneliness. Spiritual awakening can feel like walking naked in the middle of a crowded street. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and completely misunderstood. You start questioning everything—your beliefs, your choices, your purpose. It’s like shedding old skin, and let me tell you, that process is not pretty. There were days when I felt like I was losing my mind, like I was the only person on the planet who could see what I was seeing.
But here’s the twist: that loneliness, that pain, that feeling of being completely raw and exposed? It’s all part of the process. It’s how you grow. It’s how you evolve. And slowly, over time, you start to rebuild. You start to find your tribe—the people who truly get you, who see you for who you are and love you anyway. You start to find your purpose, your passion, your joy. And you realize that the life you had before, the one that felt so comfortable and familiar, was actually holding you back.
It “Ruined” The Old Version of Me
So yes, in a way, spiritual awakening ruined my life. It ruined the version of me that was asleep, that was settling, that was living on autopilot. It ruined the relationships that were keeping me stuck. It ruined the illusion that I had everything figured out. But in its place, it gave me something so much better: clarity, authenticity, and a deep, unshakable sense of peace.
If you’re going through a spiritual awakening right now, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel like your life is falling apart. It’s okay to feel lost, lonely, and scared. Because on the other side of that pain is something so much greater. You’re not losing yourself—you’re finding yourself. And trust me, it’s worth it. Even when you feel like it ruined your life, it did not. You just became the true version of yourself.
So here’s to the life that was “ruined.” Here’s to the friendships that ended, the illusions that shattered, and the old version of me that had to die. Because without all of that, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
