The Bible is a massive collection of ancient texts, written across centuries and in cultures that looked nothing like the world we live in now. Because of that, it contains lines that feel wise, poetic, historical, confusing, and sometimes downright absurd.
People love to quote the comforting or inspiring parts, but if you flip through the lesser-traveled pages, you’ll find verses that make you stop and shake your head.
Below are some of the most bizarre, eyebrow-raising, or unintentionally hilarious verses that somehow made it into the world’s most influential book.
1. The One About Women, Discharge, and Seven Days of Isolation (Leviticus 15:19)
Let’s start with a classic.
“When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean until evening.”
Leviticus really said: “If she has her period, don’t even look at her.”
It gets stranger, everything she sits on is considered unclean. Everything she touches becomes unclean. Anyone who touches something she touched is unclean. It’s basically the ancient version of “quarantine the entire house.”
This passage isn’t just weird by modern standards. It feels like a medieval health manual written by someone (a man) who had never met a woman before. And as a woman, I find it both absurd and genuinely stomach-turning.
2. The Bald Men Curse Episode (2 Kings 2:23–24)
This one is infamous.
“Get out of here, baldy!” they shouted. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.”
A group of kids makes fun of a prophet’s bald head, so God sends bears to attack them.
Two bears. Forty-two kids. It reads like the plot of a very questionable cartoon episode from the 90s. If you ever feel bad for your hairstyle, at least you don’t have bears waiting for your enemies.
3. The Talking Donkey (Numbers 22:28–30)
Yes, there is a literal talking donkey in the Bible:
“Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, ‘What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?’”
A donkey gives its owner a full attitude-filled speech. Complete with reasoning, emotion, and sarcasm. This isn’t a metaphor, the story genuinely treats it as a real conversation.
Shrek walked so this donkey could run.
4. Shellfish Are a Bigger Sin Than Almost Anything (Leviticus 11:10)
“Everything in the waters that has not fins and scales is detestable to you.”
Translation:
Shrimp? Evil.
Lobster? Absolutely not.
Oysters? Straight to spiritual jail.
Meanwhile other actions in the same book get less harsh wording. It’s fascinating what ancient writers considered dangerous. Ban the seafood, but let’s allow talking animals and bear attacks.
5. The Law About Men Missing Testicles (Deuteronomy 23:1)
This one is rarely taught in Sunday school:
“No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose male organ has been cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”
Imagine being the priest who had to enforce that rule. Imagine explaining to someone why they can’t come inside. This passage raises far more questions than it answers.
6. The One About Making a Poop Hole Outside Camp (Deuteronomy 23:12–13)
“Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. And as part of your equipment have something to dig with…”
The Bible literally includes instructions for digging a toilet hole.
Not symbolic.
Not metaphorical.
Just ancient plumbing advice. It’s strangely practical, though.
7. The “Don’t Wear Mixed Fabrics” Rule (Leviticus 19:19)
“Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.”
According to this verse, half of everyone’s modern wardrobe is basically a spiritual crime scene. Goodbye polyester blends. Goodbye cotton-spandex leggings. Goodbye most of fast fashion. If the author of Leviticus walked into a clothing store today, the whole place would probably burst into flames. And honestly, it does make me wonder why some very vocal Christians call atheists “evil” while standing there in denim, synthetic fabrics, leather shoes, and every forbidden material imaginable.
8. The “If Your Brother Dies, Marry His Widow” Instruction (Deuteronomy 25:5)
“Her husband’s brother shall take her as his wife.”
Bible law basically said: If your brother dies and you’re single? Guess what you’re doing now. This is one of those verses that shows just how different ancient family structures were. Today it reads like a plot twist from a messy soap opera.
Why These Verses Feel So Strange Today
These verses sound ridiculous now because the world has changed. Ancient laws came from small communities trying to survive disease, build identity, and keep order. Some of the rules reflected fears we no longer have. Some reflected cultural norms that disappeared centuries ago. Others… well, even back then people probably raised an eyebrow.
Seeing them now doesn’t make the Bible meaningless. It simply reminds us that it’s old. Very old. Ancient writing often tells us more about the culture and the people who lived then than about anything divine.
What many people overlook is that we, as a species, are constantly evolving. Our understanding of the world shifts, science advances, and society grows. Drones, airplanes, electricity, vaccines, the internet, none of these existed even a few generations ago. People couldn’t believe in them because they had no way to imagine them.
So it’s fair to ask: why should we accept ancient claims we never witnessed, especially when the text contains ideas that don’t align with what we know today? Why cling to rules and descriptions that were shaped by fears, misunderstandings, and limited knowledge from thousands of years ago?
The Bible has wisdom, poetry, and moments of genuine beauty. It also contains passages that are bizarre, outdated, or simply confusing. Reading these strange verses highlights a truth many people forget: ancient texts are time capsules. They preserve old beliefs, medical assumptions, rituals, superstitions, and everyday concerns from civilizations long gone.
And sometimes they also give us a talking donkey, bear-related justice, and the strictest fashion guidelines ever written.
