People start commenting on your standards once you stop saying yes out of convenience. You’ve been single longer than they’d like, turned things down, or walked away instead of forcing something to work.
They usually call it concern or realism. Most of the time, it’s discomfort. Your choices highlight what they decided to live with.
Lowering your standards doesn’t solve that tension. It just shifts it onto you.
1. Lowering standards trains you to accept things that don’t fit
The second you lower your standards, your thinking shifts fast. Things you would’ve flagged before suddenly feel negotiable. Behavior that used to bother you gets explained away. You start calling it maturity or flexibility.
What’s really happening is you’re talking yourself out of your own reaction. You get quieter internally. You stop checking in with the part of you that noticed the problem right away.
Standards don’t come out of nowhere. They’re built from things you’ve already lived through. Ignoring that almost always sends you back to the same place you worked hard to leave.
2. Waiting hurts less than settling long-term
Being alone can suck. No mystery there. It gets boring, awkward, and sometimes lonely in a very unromantic way.
Settling feels easier at first. Someone texts back. There’s a plan for the weekend. You stop explaining why you’re single. That relief is real.
Then the weight shows up.
You start managing instead of enjoying. Explaining behavior you already know isn’t okay. Shrinking small preferences so things don’t turn into a problem. Telling yourself it’s fine because at least you’re not alone.
That version of “company” costs more than being by yourself.
Waiting is active. It’s choosing not to sign up for a situation you already know you’ll want out of later. It’s saying no even when yes would make tonight easier.
Resentment doesn’t arrive suddenly. It builds quietly through all the times you ignored yourself to keep something going. Avoiding that is worth the wait.
3. Most people who criticize your standards already compromised theirs
When someone says you’re asking for too much, check where it’s coming from.
Look at their life as it is, not as they describe it. Are they content, or just used to things not changing? Do they stand by their choices, or explain them a little too fast? Would you honestly trade places with them?
Most advice isn’t neutral. It’s filtered through what someone else already accepted.
I’ve seen people abandon good goals because everyone around them kept calling those goals unrealistic. One friend wanted enough money to travel freely. Nothing extravagant. Just freedom. He kept hearing that he should calm down, be grateful, stop reaching.
He almost folded.
He didn’t. He kept his standards where they were. Slowly, the people around him changed. The work changed. The income followed. His life ended up closer to what he wanted, not what others felt comfortable with.
When people push you to lower your standards, it often has less to do with you and more to do with what your direction forces them to notice about their own choices.
4. Knowing what you want makes other people uncomfortable
Clarity makes people uneasy. Drifting is easier to be around.
I was told to lower my standards just for wanting to spend time in spaces I aimed to grow into. Not to show off. Not to fake anything. I wanted to see how things worked, how people moved, how conversations happened.
Some friends stopped coming along. A few backed away altogether. It wasn’t about money or locations. It was about direction, and mine stopped matching theirs.
Once you know what you want, you stop explaining yourself. You stop softening it so it sounds less threatening. That change alone creates distance.
Let it happen.
You’re not responsible for shrinking your plans so other people can stay comfortable.
One thing worth keeping in mind
Standards aren’t about chasing something flawless. They’re about not signing up for situations that go against you.
Lowering them doesn’t bring relief for long. It just teaches you to stay silent about what you actually want, to stop bringing things up, to stop expecting more.
That silence adds up. It shows up as frustration, distance, and eventually regret.
Waiting costs time. Ignoring yourself costs much more.
