Have you ever been in a relationship where the passion just slowly fizzled out? You started off head over heels, couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and spent every waking moment together. But a few months or years later, you realize the spark is gone. Conversations feel dull, date nights are a chore, and you start questioning if this relationship is right for you anymore.
Even if it was just a little crush before, now you feel nothing. No jealousy, no daydreaming about them, no checking what they’re up to on social media. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. You fell out of love.
What Is Anagapesis?
Anagapesis refers to the gradual fading of passionate, romantic love in long-term relationships. It’s the opposite of falling in love. As relationships progress, those intense feelings of infatuation and idealization start to wane. You begin to see your partner as a real, flawed human being instead of some perfect soulmate.
Imagine you are seeing this person and are totally head over heels for them. All you do is daydream about them and check their social media, thinking about what your future would be like – getting married, having a house and kids, the whole deal.
You really love them, they are like a prince or princess to you. But then, one day, you worked up the nerve to tell them how you felt, but they rejected you. You are hurt. But over time, you started getting over it and falling out of love. Now, when you think about them, you just see them as a regular person, not some idealized version of a prince or princess.
Relationships go through the same kind of thing, too. Even if you’re in a relationship with someone for a long time, that crazy intense love you felt at first starts to fade. You still love them, but it’s more like family – they’re like a brother or sister to you.
You get so comfortable with each other that you’ll burp or fart in front of them without a second thought. There are no boundaries or secrets between you. You love each other, but it’s not that magical, deep love you had in the beginning. Sometimes, when a relationship gets to that point, it can lead to a breakup or even a divorce, unfortunately.
The Signs of Anagapesis In Your Relationship
Lack of Physical Intimacy
If you and your partner can’t even remember the last time you were intimate or physical intimacy has basically disappeared, that’s probably a sign that things have gotten pretty disconnected between you two. Being physically close is super important for keeping a relationship feeling strong and real. When that part goes away, it makes it a lot harder to stay emotionally close.
Emotional Distance
Are you feeling like you and your partner aren’t as emotionally close as you used to be? Like maybe they just don’t “get” you the way they once did? If so, that emotional distance is usually a sign that the love and passion are starting to fade from the relationship. As things grow more apart over time, it can become really hard to feel connected on that deep level again or see things from the same perspective.
Lack of Shared Interests
When you first started dating, you probably connected over similar hobbies and stuff you both liked doing together. But if now you realize you don’t really have much in common anymore and you hardly ever do things you both have fun with, that’s a sign the love is fading. Getting back into sharing interests together and making new memories as a couple can really help fight that feeling of growing apart.
Feeling Unappreciated
Does it ever feel like your partner just expects you to be there and do all that for them without really noticing it or saying thanks? Because that kind of feeling underappreciated over a long time isn’t good – it means the loving feelings are starting to fade. Sure, saying “I love you” is still important. But showing you care with what you say and do is really what keeps the relationship strong.
Examples of Anagapesis
You’ve probably experienced anagapesis in a romantic relationship or with a close friend before. It often happens gradually, as the intense passion and infatuation that marked the early days of a relationship start to fade into the background.
As A Couple
Think of a couple who has been together for several years. In the beginning, they couldn’t get enough of each other. They talked for hours, went on exciting dates, and passionately expressed their affection at every opportunity. But over time, as the relationship matured, those outward expressions of affection became less frequent. Their long, meandering conversations were replaced by quick chats over dinner or texts during the day.
While the love is still there, it has evolved into something calmer and more stable. The fiery passion has been replaced by a steady warmth, like embers glowing in a fireplace. This is anagapesis in action. The relationship has reached a point of quiet, comfortable intimacy.
Friendships
Another example can be found in close friendships. When you first become friends with someone, there is an excitement to the new connection. You bond over shared interests, spend hours together, and open up to each other eagerly. But as the friendship matures over months and years, it settles into a state of easy familiarity.
Communication barely exists in your friendship. You don’t have to ask how they’re doing because you just know already. It’s not that you don’t care about them, you just feel so comfortable together that you don’t need to check in all the time. They’re still your friend, but it’s more like you’re used to each other now instead of that new excitement. Things change once the friendship has been going on for a while.
Anagapesis Is Not A Bad Thing
Anagapesis is a natural progression in many long-term relationships. The passion mellows out into more of a comfortable partnership. Even if that spark isn’t as bright, it doesn’t mean your relationship is over if you commit to reigniting things between you.
Communication and commitment are key to overcoming the natural progression of a bond over the years. But if you truly feel totally disconnected emotionally, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with your person about how you’re feeling inside or slowly start moving in a different direction.
