You’ve felt it before. That intoxicating rush of passion and longing for someone who seems absolutely perfect. The feeling of limerence, that intense emotional state that makes the whole world seem brighter, more exciting. But what they don’t tell you about limerence is that it comes with some ugly side effects.
Sure, at first, everything seems rose-colored. But soon, those rose-colored glasses start to distort your reality in some troubling ways. Your moods become erratic, swinging from blissful highs to desperate lows. Your appetite disappears. Your sleep suffers. And your relationships with friends and family start to fray as your world narrows to one person — the object of your limerent desire. The truth about limerence is that the experience of being “in love” can be downright unpleasant.
Is Limerence A Bad Thing or A Disorder?
While limerence involves strong, obsessive feelings for another person, it is not technically considered a mental illness or a disorder. However, the obsessive nature of limerence makes it more of a bad thing, taking away focus from other important areas of your life.
The Rollercoaster of Emotions
The rollercoaster of emotions that come with limerence can really take a toll. One minute, you’re on top of the world; the next, you’re in the pits of despair. The littlest thing your limerent object says or does can send you into a tailspin.
Did they smile at you? Cue the fireworks. Did they fail to make eye contact? Cue the waterworks. Living at the mercy of another person’s whims is no way to live. Limerence causes extreme highs and lows that wreak havoc on your mental and physical health.
Anxiety, restlessness, and irritability are par for the course. Not knowing where you stand and constantly obsessing over what the other person’s words/actions might mean leads to distress. Difficulty concentrating and disrupted sleep are also common side effects of this emotional mayhem.
The unpredictability of it all only amplifies the angst. Just when you think things are looking up, the proverbial rug is pulled out from under you, sending you tumbling back down. Breaking free of this unhealthy cycle is the only way off the rollercoaster from hell. The highs might seem appealing, but the lows that follow are simply not worth the price of admission.
The Physical Toll: Headaches, Insomnia, And More From Limerence
The intense feelings of limerence can really take a toll on your body. Headaches, insomnia, loss of appetite – you name it. When you can’t stop thinking about that special someone, your health often takes a backseat. The stress and anxiety of limerence leads to tension headaches, difficulty sleeping, and changes in eating habits.
Your heart races at the thought of them, your stomach fills with butterflies. The physical reactions are real and can be exhausting over time. Neglecting self-care and daily routines is common, as your mind is consumed with fantasies of reciprocation and what might be.
Until the limerent episode passes, your body may feel out of whack. But don’t despair, the intensity will fade, and equilibrium will return. In the meantime, do your best to maintain a normal schedule, limit unhealthy coping mechanisms, stay socially connected to others, and practice self-care.
Riding the waves of dark limerence can be thrilling, but the crash that follows can be harsh. Be gentle with yourself and your body through the ups and downs. Like any infatuation, this too shall pass. Your health and happiness will be waiting for you on the other side.
An Unhealthy Obsession
Limerence may seem exciting at first, but it often descends into an unhealthy obsession that damages relationships. When limerent, you become completely focused on the limerent object, ignoring friends and family. All your thoughts revolve around this person, disrupting work, hobbies, and self-care.
This constant rumination and daydreaming is not sustainable or healthy. It prevents you from living in the present moment, appreciating what you have. Your self-esteem becomes dependent on crumbs of affection from the limerent object, leaving you anxious and depressed when reciprocation falters.
Limerence also fosters unrealistic expectations of a perfect, idealized partner who can fulfill all your emotional needs. But no one can live up to such fantasies, inevitably leading to feelings of disappointment, inadequacy, and abandonment.
Rather than strengthening emotional intimacy, limerence creates an illusion of closeness. The limerent object remains on a pedestal while you conceal your true, authentic self to win their approval. This façade is difficult to maintain, risking rejection once revealed.
Limerence may feel like the dramatic, passionate love glorified in media. But true love is based on mutual understanding, respect, trust, and commitment to weather life’s ups and downs—not an obsessive fantasy that causes harm to self and others. Recognizing limerence for the unhealthy state, it allows you to break free and build relationships grounded in reality.
You End Up Building A Barrier Around Your Heart
One of the biggest side effects of limerence is that you end up building a barrier around your heart that prevents you from having loving relationships. When you’re obsessed with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s easy to close yourself off from potential new connections. You cling to the fantasy of “someday” with your limerent object, all while missing opportunities to find someone who can give you the love you deserve.
Over time, these barriers become harder and harder to break down. You get so accustomed to the highs and lows of limerence that a stable, committed relationship may seem boring or unappealing in comparison. But true love is so much richer and deeper than the superficial infatuation of limerence.
Open your heart to new possibilities, and don’t let limerence hold you back from finding meaningful connections. Though it can be difficult, making an effort to shift your mindset and behaviors can help overcome the negative impacts of limerence. Don’t close off your heart, and don’t settle for limerence—you deserve so much more!
Limerence Is Unhealthy
Limerence might seem fun and exciting in the moment, but ultimately, it’s an unhealthy state of mind that can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of self. The fantasies and obsessive thoughts are just a temporary high that leaves you crashing.
Don’t get sucked into the illusion. Remember that you’re so much more than this fleeting infatuation. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who love and appreciate you for who you are. And learn to love yourself first before giving your power away to someone else. You deserve real, reciprocal relationships that enhance your life rather than diminish it. Break the spell and reclaim your joy.
